Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all! 

I have news once again as it seems like there is always change.  I have accepted a chaplain position at St. Vincent Hospice in Indianapolis IN with a starting date of 1/21. I am very excited about the job, returning to the state I call home, but wondering why I am moving in January!

I have sadness in leaving a beautiful area, warm weather, the gulf, some wonderful friends, and the place that I have learned the most about being a hospice chaplain. My new job is at an inpatient unit which is where my heart is - it is my most favorite part of working at hospice. I will be on staff of St. Vincent Hospital which has many locations and many opportunities. So - it is a perfect job for me and I leave FL with imprints of so many people on my heart.

I, like you, have been saddened by the killings in CT. It has made me think about the kids in my life. I know you have had similar feelings - hug them tight and keep them safe. I am also saddened by the voices that want to be heard - about gun control, about bearing arms, the second amendment, where God was, what caused the shootings. We would all like to have an easy answer that makes sense. There isn't. And the voices that get loud and force people into their own corners fighting will not bring peace nor answers.  

So for this Christmas, I plan to light a candle and believe in a loving God that is also weeping.

October 3, 2012

Greetings to all that read. There was a time that I thought I was up-to-date in technology and I could figure most things out. I don't post here for a couple of months and it is all new! I'll just keep typing and hope that in the end, it will look like a post. Technology has thoroughly surpassed my abilities - and interest.

I'm being a little jealous right now as this is the time of year that I miss Indiana. The cooler weather and the autumn colors are only memories today. So in honor of the memories, I am making pumpkin chocolate chip bread. That should do it!

8 weeks ago, I had knee replacement surgery so I have been in recovery mode. Therapy, exercises, naps, reading, way too much TV, and playing Words with Friends and Sky Words have been my days. I had the other knee replaced 6 years ago and I remember it being easier. Maybe because I am older, maybe my memory is poor, maybe this knee was worse from the start, maybe other reasons but it has been a time to forget!

 So with that, I haven't worked too much - I just started working part-time a couple of weeks ago. I can feel like I can't walk anymore or that I have no energy left, and then, I meet a patient that fills my spirit. I still love what I do. This week I went into a room with a patient that has been in alot of pain. I met her at the hospital and she quickly told me she wanted to go home. I have found in the days of being a chaplain, that most people that say they want to go home to a chaplain means that they are ready for their final home - their eternal home. But - we were in the hospital and I wasn't completely sure, so I asked her about home. Her words were, I'm ready to see God. I hope she gets her wish this week.

I'm putting a link here to the Pink Glove Project - on YouTube. There are other videos so if you like the pink glove project, search for more. I think of the many people I know that fight cancer, have survived and thrived through cancer - I think of my mom who would have been 88 this month, and I love the pink glove project. I can't figure out how to add the link so you most likely will have to copy and paste. But it's fun to watch - even though the whole thing is long. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv3URNYrRh0

July 28, 2012

Greetings to all that read! It's been awhile since I have put words to this blog but I often think of you and the ways that your spirits are a part of me - even in Florida! I could write so many stories of people I encounter that it seems hard to pick one or two. So today, I'll just share a couple that I encountered this week. I met a man on Monday that has a PhD in Mathematics - whew - he was quite an intelligent man! But what I loved about him was his love for knowledge and being challenged in his thoughts. He grew up Catholic and still found support and comfort in the rituals and liturgy of the Catholic church. But he also loved the Jewish traditions of his long time female partner. They had lived together for 31 years, never marrying as they liked their own arrangement after both being married once. He had learned about her faith tradition and together they incorporated a hers and his faith that gave them joy. One of the many things I love about being an interfaith chaplain is how I have the privilege of learning from so many people about what gives them hope, peace, and a sense of purpose. The second visit was with a Catholic woman who loves her Catholic church. She had written formal prayers, rosaries, and statues everywhere. So on the 1st visit with her, I listened to her describe her faith. Later in the week, she wanted me to come back and so I did. She did not feel well and could not get up from the couch. So I read to her. Her comment was that she thought it would be perfect if she died while I (or someone) was reading to her. Just like a child. She isn't quite ready to die yet, but I hope that I can be reading to her when she does. I hope you can tell that I love what I do. And in these times of killings and violence and shouting all kinds of things that hurt each other in the name of religion and God, I hold on to the fact that my job is to love God and love others. Nothing more. Nothing less.

May 11, 2012

My oh my, it's been a long while. So much has happened in these few months. So I will update a little and I'll share a story or two as I know a few of you enjoy the stories of hospice. I still love what I do - I think that I don't really need to say that anymore. Yes, I still love it - but I have been doing this work long enough that I don't need to affirm my love. It's a given...It's my final answer...it's my call in life to do this work. I have spent time in the home of a patient over the past few weeks. She collected shells and had been collecting them for years. She started when she was a kid and had so many stories of picking up shells on the beach. I think about those shells and how her family will have a tangible memory each time they pick up a shell. I went to see her today, and found that she is imminent and will die soon. I took her a shell - it seemed fitting. I also recently went to be with a family when the mom died. Their Mom, collected angels. As some of you may remember, my mom collected angels too and had them pretty much everywhere! I have kept a few and with each one there is a story. This family was already talking about how to distribute the angels so this tangible memory will be passed to generations - from Florida to Maine to California. On this Mother's Day weekend, I remember my mom. As I say to so many people, there is something about mamma's. My mom was special to me and to many. She had the gift of hospitality and could throw parties and entertain in her home with enthusiasm and with love. My brothers and I fondly remember her words, "let's have a party" when it really meant, let's eat junk food. So I blame my mom for my love of junk food - oh, no, not blame - but remember her each time I am fighting a craving for something sweet. My mom was strong and a survivor. She was a nurturer and caregiver. She enjoyed life and loved her church. She relied on her faith when life got hard. I have had my moments where I thought things were not that good because I was becoming my mother, but to be honest, I am proud to be like my mom. So I remember my mom on this weekend. I really miss her. So call your mother. Or visit your mother. Remember your mother. Honor your mother. Be grateful for your mother. And mother can be the one that gave you birth, the one that raised you, the one that rescued you, the one that loved you, and any combination. Update: We have had friends to visit this year and more to come next week. Visits help me from being so homesick! I love much about Florida and I miss much about Indiana. I am now officially addicted to Words with Friends but have given up, Spider Solitaire. Does it really matter what I am addicted to? Connie and I made a new "rule" that we would try new restaurants when we go out as opposed to always going to our past favorites. I won't say I have new favorites but it's been a good adventure. I was a visitor some at the United Methodist Church General Conference in Tampa. The "church" has two slogans/tag lines, Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors and Making Disciples of Jesus Christ for the Transformation of the World. In my own opinion, I think it fell short on both. And of course, in the same convention center, Tampa will be hosting the Republican Convention. If anyone wonders, I won't be going. Be well, friends.

January 18

Greetings to all that read! As usual, it has been awhile but glad to meet you here today.

I have wanted to share a story with you of a special person named Rickie. I met her at the hospital many times where she would share her own story with me. She had been raised in the Methodist church and as many people do, left the church as a young adult. She was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and Cancer a couple of years ago and needed emotional and spiritual support and went searching. She found a group of pagans that supported her in her journey of illness. She kept sharing her story with me - and I did not know much about paganism, but I was able to listen. She had a friend who she called her soul mate and best friend. Rickie and Tom moved to Florida from Ohio just a couple of years ago to be near the beach! Almost immediately, Rickie was diagnosed and began a slow decline.

Two weeks ago, I was told that Rickie was at the hospital so I was going to go see her. I found out that she had been released so I called Tom to see if I could visit at their home. I don't usually follow-up like that, but I had a whisper in my ear that said, go. So I went. Rickie was terminally restless - first up, then down, then hallucinating. Tom was scared and frustrated and exhausted and when I got there, he began sobbing. It was too much for him but he had told Rickie that she could die at home. Tom had made a promise but did not know how difficult it would be. I immediately called a nurse as help was needed! Tom needed a break and asked if he could take a short walk to a store for cigarettes. Of course I said yes - although I was frightened to be there alone. Rickie had a large body and was very restless so I was afraid that she would fall. Together, Tom and I got her in bed so Tom left for his walk. I tried to not engage Rickie so she might rest until the nurse got there. 5 minutes earlier, Rickie was walking, talking, and drinking water and hallucinating. Tom left...and Rickie dropped the water and died.

I am convinced that Rickie knew that this was her chance to die without Tom there. Experience tells me that some people wait until everyone is there, some people wait until all are gone. Rickie did not want Tom there so physically, Rickie was not ready to die - but it was the only chance.

On January 28, we will be having a pagan service for Rickie at the beach - the place she loved. I have never experienced a pagan service - but for Rickie, I will do just that.

As I write here often, the blessing that I get at working at hospice is the reminder that every day is a gift. It is our tagline, but it is so true. So live life fully, work out your conflicts, say what is important, love big, and find what gives your life meaning - and then love that.

Blessings for your own journey through life.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving. It has been a long while since I have posted here - I could try to make some excuses, but that seems futile so let me just share a little of the past few months.

There are always stories to share from my hospice work. I think about someone that I visited in the hospital several weeks ago. This elderly man did not have any family in the area, and the hospital had been in contact with a nephew who lives in another state. He had not even seen or heard from his uncle for years, yet he was the only living relative. The uncle was barely verbal and not very responsive. The nurse told me that she believed that he was saying a prayer when she went to check on him.

I am always mindful and cautious of prayers that I might say at a bedside when I don't know the beliefs or the wishes of the patient. But, this time, I felt a strong desire to share with him. So I talked a little, and then I prayed for him. When I finished, he started to make noise like he was saying words. I waited, and waited. When he seemed to be done, not knowing at all what he said, I simply said, God, hear our prayers. And very clearly, he repeated, God, hear our prayers. So the next day, I took my IPOD and speaker with me when I visited. I played a couple of Christian old-time hymns and then I played, The Lord's prayer. As it played, he was saying every word. God heard his prayers...and I found out later, he died a few hours later.

The second story - I walked into the building today with a gentleman who looked very tired. I started a conversation and heard him say, "it's not a good day, my wife is dying." I was so struck by that - I have said that I didn't have a good day when I had a cold, it was raining outside, waited for the cable guy too long, or the service at a restaurant was slow.

Friday is National Day of Listening. It was started by StoryCorps in 2008. Each year, on the day after Thanksgiving, StoryCorps asks all Americans to take an hour to record an interview with a loved one. It's one of the least expensive, but most meaningful, gifts you can give your loved ones this holiday season! This year, the emphasis is on teachers, but it can be done for any loved one. You can find out more information at nationaldayoflistening.org

The 2011 National Day of Listening takes place on Friday, November 25, 2011. Instead of getting lost in Black Friday's long shopping lines, get lost in a conversation with a loved one!

I think of the gift it would be if I had a recording from my mom, dad, and so many others. Working with hospice, I am acutely aware of the importance of sharing what gives your life meaning with those you love and those that love you.

A brief update of life in general: I was in Indiana in October for my niece, Jennifer's wedding. It was an outdoor wedding on a beautiful but very cold autumn day. The leaves had not changed much, but I loved the cool temperatures. Connie and I went back to Indiana in early November so I got a good taste of fall in the Midwest.

I continue to work on the weekends and make a lot of hospital visits, home and nursing home visits, and take calls when patients are dying. I have been working at the inpatient unit - my heart is there and I love being able to spend time there.

We have moved into the modern age and now have a DVR - so I have been finding things at all hours of the night and day to record. And I love the Fast Forward button...when I can remember to use it. I am still a Starbucks junkie and read all that I can. Life is good - I still have moments of missing the old and familiar life- and I still feel very blessed by the work that I do.

I am thankful for family, friends, warm beds, hot showers, food, shelter, employment, memories, email, sunsets, music, faith, books, freedom, hope, love, and a non-fat, pumpkin spice, extra-hot chai!

Happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful and share it!

9/11

As I have driven around Pinellas County seeing hospice patients today, I continue to listen to NPR-national radio. I am joined with many...to remember 9/11/2001. And the question that I continue to hear and to get - where were you?

I was in Salt Lake City at a conference. I heard the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing patriotic songs in a concert that night and felt the horror in a hotel, so many miles from home. If I had to choose a place to get delayed, it would not be Salt Lake City, Utah...but...I was one among many all over the world that were trying to comprehend and to find a way to get home! I remember so vividly the flight to Cincinnati OH and when we landed, people clapped...clapped with vigor. Cincy was as close as we could get that day so 2 dear and committed people came from Fort Wayne IN to pick us up.

This blog is a place that I try to write about the journey of my life and the way hospice work is life-giving to me. I don't want it to be a place to talk politics or world events. But today, I remember, with all of you the way our lives changed 10 years ago. I hope that I do not take the small things for granted as much, that I live a life that is rich and full, and that I will do whatever I can to bring peace and love to my corner of the world.

Mattie Stepanek had important words to say on 9/11/2001 when he was only 11 years old and I want to write them here today.


We need to stop.
Just stop.
Stop for a moment.
Before anybody
Says or does anything
That may hurt anyone else.
We need to be silent.
Just silent.
Silent for a moment.
Before we forever lose
The blessing of songs
that grow in our hearts.
We need to notice
Just notice.
Notice for a moment
Before the future slips away
Into ashes and dust of humility.
Stop, be silent, and notice.
In so many ways, we are the same.
Our differences are unique treasures.
We have, we are, a mosaic of gifts.
To nurture, to offer, to accept.
We need to be.
Just be.
Be for a moment.
Kind and gentle, innocent and trusting.
Like children and lambs,
never judging or vengeful.
And now, let us pray,
Differently, yet together.
Before there is not earth, no life,
no chance for peace.

August 19

Greetings to all!

I am always surprised that is has been so long since my last post - time flies. I was reminded today that it is time for an update. :)

The residency program came to a close last Friday. It was bittersweet moment as I have loved so much of what I have done and yet, the journey has been intense. I love the clinical work and I feel very blessed to work with some of the very best medical staff. Obviously, there is great importance for the medical staff yet they are gracious and know the importance of spiritual health. I always felt included in the care of all of our patients.

It was most interesting that I feel like I had bookends of deaths that started the year and one that ended the year. When I first arrived, I had a patient that was 25 years old and he touched my heart from the very start. When I would ask him how he was, he always said - even in the final days, fantastic! And the very cool thing was, he meant it. That was my first death. One of my last deaths will mark the end for me. A patient was 94, his spouse was also a patient and 96 years old. They had been married 72 years. As he died, her heart broke. The only thing that I had to say was that there hearts had been connected for 72 years and they would continue to be connected as they parted. Whew - Those two deaths will stay with me forever.

As time goes on, I will continue to do chaplain work in Florida. I will travel around the county and visit in homes, nursing homes, and hospitals so the work will be a little different but I am sure just as rewarding. The downside of it is that I will work on the weekends. Working every weekend wasn't my plan, but for now, that is what is available. I will work during the week as needed.

The days are hot here with rain that comes randomly. I am planning a trip back to IN in October for my niece's wedding so I am hopeful that the leaves will be colorful as that is my favorite time of year. A new life in Florida has been exciting, challenging, lonely at times, fulfilling, life-giving, draining, difficult, fun, an answer to a calling, a question to my comfort, and just plain hard sometimes. For now, I plan to stay...winter is coming so it is really nice here in the winter - who's coming to visit?

A blessing for you - May you have food in the bowl, to feed what is basic, and nourishment in the heart, to feed hungers more wild. (Jan Richardson)

June 30, 2011

Can anyone believe that it is soon to be July 1? I moved to Florida in July, 2010 so one year later, here I am. Sallyanna, this post is for you!

If you read here much, you know that I love what I do. Today, reminded me of why I love it so much. I spent time with a family early in the day. It was a family that I met when mom came to us 12 days ago. She had stopped dialysis and was ready to die. She was 80+ years old and was very tired of pain and prodding and chemo and dialysis and wanted to just let go of the fight. I can't imagine really what it is like to have to one day just say, no more. But she had done that with grace.

I remember when she came in that she had the sweetest smile and a gentle spirit. She claimed that she came to die. She wanted no fanfare. Her sons were with her - one from Indiana. They were faithful in being there each day, laughing and crying, telling stories and beginning to grieve the anticipated loss. I spent time with them on a few occasions. Today, was the day she was going to die. And she did. She waited until one son left to take another son to the airport to fly back to Indiana. Her oldest son was in the room, with 2 daughter-in-laws. She knew that her oldest son could be there with strength and she knew the other sons would fall apart. So with the right people in the room and the right people out of the room, her breathing slowed, she opened her eyes, she had tears come down her cheeks, and then she smiled so much you could see her teeth, and then she died.

The family that was present witnessed a beautiful scene that they will not forget - a scene that brought them great comfort. We opened the window and let her spirit soar. Amazing stuff.

The second thing that happened today was - I received some poetry from a woman that I had spent alot of time with while a loved one died. It was a situation that felt foreign to me. The woman was married to someone else, and she also loved and lived with this patient. 2 men, 1 woman. Not as three really, but a woman being shared by two men. Do I understand that? No. But I listened to her story and to the pain of her life living out this relationship and the difficulty in being a widow with a husband. (Think about that!) The poetry that she shared with me was beautiful and rich and contemplative and necessary and important and brought some healing to her. I was privileged that she shared it with me.

The beauty of being a chaplain is I get to listen to all faith traditions, I get to listen to atheists, and polygamists, and broken souls. I get to walk with amazing people and stories and help them find forgiveness and meaning for their life. I see pain and joy every day and it is sacred space and holy ground.

One of my favorite sayings - I've heard it credited to a few different people - I don't know who said it, it wasn't me. "Be kind, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." I think that is a good guide.

Memorial Day, 2011

Wow - it has been quite some time since my last post. Much has happened! I moved from the dinky apartment to a small house. It's a fun house that feels like a Florida house with a screened-in porch. No pool - although I am sure that would have been fun. There are still boxes in the garage and I am now speculating that the house needs to be a bit bigger.

Much happens here every day at the Hospice House. Time sort of stops here for families. Their routines stop or change. Time definitely stops here for patients. People come here for 3 reasons, pain management - a time to evaluate medications and see if there are better ways to management the pain; End-of-life care, and respite - where the caregivers really need a break from the normal routine-whatever that might be. We have 30 rooms, individual rooms. Our average stay is 3-4 days so the census is constantly changing. The hardest part for the introvert in me is to meet new people every day, all day long. The easiest part is to hear the wonderful stories of the loved ones that die here and how their lives have left legacies for their family and friends.

One thing that I often do here is to remind staff to think of the things they are grateful for - somewhat of an easy task when you work here. I hope that I never take for granted the simple things. So I share with you items from the latest list - family, friends, good health, our senses-touch, taste, hear, see, smell, ability to love, ability to remember, my home which is personal sanctuary and refuge, ability to walk independently on my own two feet, the ability to do things for myself without pain, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets and fresh air to breathe, hot showers, warm beds, cool evening breezes, books, choices, diversity, language and the ability to communicate with others...

I am grateful that I will be going to Fort Wayne in June-I love what I do here, and I also really miss my Fort Wayne life and some really long-time wonderful friends.

So if you are in the Fort Wayne area, Sunday, June 26, from 3 - 6 p.m., potluck at The Heritage of Fort Wayne, Club House, 8200 St. Joe Road. Come visit!

April 21

Greetings to all that read here.

Things are going well in Florida and I continue to love hospice work and feel fully blessed by it. I am missing Indiana at times - seems as though there is a flood of serious illness going on in the lives of friends and family. I hold Karen, Sue, Uncle Mel, Aunt Vera, my own Uncle Bobby and his family, Betz, her momma and many others in my thoughts and prayers.

I miss seeing dear friends at a shared meal. I miss "my" starbucks or as my friend Jon called it, "suebucks". I miss the Firefly chats and looking forward to the Bike the Drive in Chicago over Memorial Day. But, my new life is good!

I have talked alot with a patient that was a professor at Taylor University in the late 1950's! I have a patient now that is a Buddhist that is teaching me so much about the Eastern religions. Recently, a family told me that they were not spiritual - they believed in luck. And they explained how luck gave them comfort...until the luck ran out. And then, they told me a story of how they envision the patient going down a chute after death into the arms of loved ones. It seemed to me that wasn't about luck - but about something being bigger than they were. Call it what you want.

I always love being with patients that are non-responsive and something makes them respond. Today, and every day for the last 3, I have sat for 10 minutes or more with a non-responsive patient and said a Gaelic blessing to them. Deep peace of the running wave to you, deep peace of the flowing air to you, deep peace of the quiet earth to you, deep peace of the shining stars to you. Every time, her expression changes and she moves with the flow of the words. She hears. No doubt.

I am off of work for 3 days - yea! I love what I do and I love being off! And so I celebrate life and work and new beginnings and new thoughts and new friends and I will always be thankful for those that have touched my life and journey along with me. Happy Easter.

March 27

Greetings to all! It has been quite some time since I have written here. Let me catch you up a bit!

Hospice work still inspires me and is life-giving to me. I always have experiences that remind me of the fragility of life but yet the power and strength that are available.

I spent time recently with a momma that was watching her 45 year old son die. She had lost a son at the age of two from illness and her only other child was now in front of her taking his last breaths. He had been a drug addict most of his life and here was a momma that had stood beside him. Many of her friends and many in her family thought she was foolish to keep allowing him to be supported by her, financially and emotionally. I don't have kids and I don't know what that feels like but I do know that this woman was heart broken by the challenges that he had in his life. He fought demons all of his life after he was the one that found his little brother, age 2, dead.

She sobbed as he took his last breath. I know that for me, as the chaplain, I don't have to make any judgments on her actions, the actions of the ones who die, but I can just be there with them as they mourn their losses.

Yesterday I sat with a family who were actually afraid of what they were seeing. Their mother was crying out, saying "help me." She was not responsive in any way to stimulation...but yet she cried out. This is a woman who had told me she was ready to die and wanted to die...she had enough of the illness. So as she was transitioning to the next life, I wondered if she was crying out to someone she was seeing on the other side of this life and wanted help to take the final steps. Who knows but I believe that God was with her and that was the best help she was going to find.

My brother Terry, his wife Beth, and my nephew Trent visited during spring break. How fun to have them here in Florida. Many fun things - beach, shopping, Museum of Science and Industry (although not near as nice as Chicago's!) Disney, basketball, ice cream, cooking out on the grill, 80+ degree weather, sun every day, sitting outside at restaurants, and watching a 9 year old have fun. All of that was...priceless.

So life continues to be good - what is not to like? great weather, love my work, and having visitors from Indiana. It is all good. Blessings to you all that read. :)

Greetings to all. I know that all that read this know how important hospice work is to me. I know I'm in Florida and you are all around the country! But if by chance you feel inspired to support the work that we do here, please check out the fundraising page by copying and pasting the link.

http://www.thehospicefoundation.org//sueross

February 28

Greetings dear ones. My oh my, how time flies. Life is good in Florida...the weather has been beautiful.

A patient of mine reminded me the other day that as he prepares to die, he notices the beauty of everything. So don't wait, notice the little things now. I learn many lessons from those that are living their last days.

I took a class recently, taught by a hospice volunteer, about aromatherapy. We use that alot for patients as there are many proven positive characteristics of the essential oils. Some to relax, some for pain relief, some that simply trigger wonderful memories. I wish I were more of an expert but I am learning. I would never have guessed that essential oils were used in hospices. I also am impressed with the massage therapists that have hands that are gifts to others. Bodies that are just about to give out can feel relief from tension and pain with simple touch.

Last week I was with a patient that was a Buddhist. He was so delightful and we had a wonderful conversation. We found out that we both enjoy writings from Thomas Merton so he wanted to give me all of his 20 books by Merton. It was a wonderful gesture although I cannot take the gift. So he will donate the books to a Chaplain Library and I will take his favorite book as a special gift. Before we were done talking, he asked me if I would join him in a Buddhist prayer. I was relieved when he told me what to do, and he sang the beautiful prayer.

I love being an interfaith chaplain - although I don't always know what that really means. I have learned about Jewish and Islam traditions, I have shared with a Buddhist, a Wiccan, an atheist, many spiritualists, scientologists, and of course, across many, many denominations in the Christian traditions. The amazing lesson is that no matter what faith you have or don't have, at the end of life, you just want someone to show you that they care. My goal is to be able to do that during life as well.

Peace to all...

8) Somewhere Out There -- An American Tail Soundtrack

When I was very young, my dad would give my mom a big heart filled with chocolates and I would get a smaller one. I would offer my brothers some of my candy, but then I'd go and fill my heart box with chocolates from my mom's candy. It was a great lesson to encourage me to share, but then I also learned that there's always a supply of chocolate!

As with everything Americans do, we have made Valentine's Day into a $15 billion Hallmark holiday. Really?

We can show love in all kinds of ways and in simple ways. Sorry, I can't buy you all chocolates and flowers but I do believe in the spirit of the day. Love. So these are the ways I celebrate Valentine's Day in 2011 - Sent some cards, bought a fun pair of Valentine designed socks for a patient that loves socks, chocolate kisses for staff and families, and to gaze at the stars and be thankful for loved ones around the country.

February 8

Greetings to all that read this blog. It is really strange to know that it is February and it was in the 70's today. I have never lived anywhere but Indiana -so 70 in February is not normal!

Hospice work is still good - really good. I hear stories that break my heart and other stories that give me new energy for humankind. One thing I notice now is that I am not so interested in world news. I see dying every day up close and personal - I don't need to read about the crazy things people do.

Family dynamics can be so messy. I see all kinds of things - survivors wanting to take jewelry off at the time of death so siblings can't get them. Patients that die that are in affairs. Patients that have abused their kids or significant other and then to watch those kids or significant others stay at the bedside so they don't die alone.

Not long ago there was a 37 year old woman that had cystic fibrosis and was ready to die. The mother wrapped her arms around her daughter and rocked her until she died. I had a buddy that died not long ago - he had been in to stay for a few days to manage pain and then he was to go home. When he left, he told me that he was hoping for remission and he wanted to come back and help me. I hoped that for him as well but it didn't work out that way.

Something that I have noticed is that I am loving movies! I have always enjoyed watching movies but now, it is my release from my work - it is my release from the continuous deaths and sadness that families experience. I usually rent them from the Red Box - cheap entertainment - but I also just recently went to see King's Speech and The Fighter. I loved King's Speech - The Fighter - not so much. So if you have a favorite movie that is a must see, let me know!

I am very excited that we are getting visitors soon. You all know who you are but I am so very excited to have friends and family come and visit!

Peace...shalom...paz. I'm sending some warm thoughts to the midwest!

January 20, 2011

Greetings from Florida! This is a great time of the year to live in Florida if you don't like the cold and snow and ice. Our temperatures can be cool in the mornings but by afternoon, it is usually in the 60's. I'll take 60!

Hospice work has been busy. Lots of activity from deaths to admissions. Last week, we had 30 deaths in one week. It is hard on the staff to have people die in a room and then immediately have another patient come to that room. So the new plan is to open the windows while the housekeepers are cleaning, spray a little sage oil, and anoint the door. It may sound peculiar to you but I am convinced along with others that the energy needs to be moved after a death.

Today, I was able to sit with another one of my favorite patients. She was in the hospice house 3-4 weeks ago to get symptoms managed. She was so thankful to go back home and I was happy for her. I was surprised that she was back so soon for end-of-life care. She loves Christian music so I hooked up my IPOD to a portable speaker and took it to her room. She is unresponsive now but the belief is that hearing is the last thing to go and we believe that she could hear. So I played her favorite music and just sat with her for a bit. When I have patients that I have gotten close to, I actually want to be there when they take their last breath. It helps me.

Yesterday, another one of my favorite patients left to go home but I called her today to see how her first 24 hours went and she is already struggling. I expect to see her soon. She has been a beautiful woman and has taken care of everyone her whole life. So, she struggles to know her value. I wish that ministers would preach and teach that God is not a God that makes good and bad things happen. People that believe that have a really hard struggle when they die of an illness.

I am around death all of the time and just today I told a hospice worker that had just lost her grandmother that it still is hard when it is personal. A good, dear, friend of mine died on Monday. She was 87 years old and her smile could light up a room. I will miss that smile! Rest in Peace, dear Phyllis.

January 4, 2011

Happy New Year to all. I can't believe that there is another year behind us. Seemed like a year to two ago when I was testing systems for Y2K at Lincoln Financial Group in FW. But here we are, 2011.

Christmas time is a difficult time at hospice - nobody wants a loved one to die at Christmas. We had a 48 year old mom with two daughters, 11 and 9. The girls had one thing on their Christmas list - for mom to come home for the day. Everyone hoped for it. The doctor and nurses were doing all they could to "buy" her a few more days. On 12/23, things really changed. We all believed she would die. I was with the family all day, the social worker was called in, the child counselor was called in, family members were called in to say goodbye, the girls came. We waited. I watched a Christmas miracle as she bounced back enough to go home on Christmas eve for 18 hours. What gratitude for the gift of a day! She did come back and was with us until this morning. So, my miracle friend, rest in peace.

I often offer blessings at the end of life - one is for the living - to be in peace, to let go and know they are loved. Recently, I provided the blessing and 5 minutes later, he died. Yesterday, the patient died while I was giving the blessing. The doctor told me I rocked, some wanted me to give blessings to patients that were so close but wouldn't let go, and others were afraid to be around me! You have to have a sense of humor to work in hospice so I was glad to provide the humor for the staff. But it is quite a holy moment to be blessing someone as they take their last breath.

This time of year is a great time to be in Florida. They weather is beautiful and it is nice to not have the gray, cold days during the winter in IN. But I miss my friends, family, and chats at Starbucks with several of you. So have a tall, non-fat, extra hot, raspberry chai and think of me! I'll do the same!

Merry Christmas

I saw a good facebook status from a friend from Indiana - now "we" have a White Christmas - how about now we go for Peace on Earth! Today would be the only day that I miss the snow. My nephew and his mom and dad went sledding last night - sounded like fun. Although the older I get, the more I like to go down the hill and the less I like to go up.

I feel a bit like I witnessed a Chrismas miracle this week. There has been a 48 year old mom with two daughters, 9 and 11,who is dying of ovarian cancer. The girls' one item on their Christmas list was to have mom home on Christmas. On Thursday, she was so sick and mostly unresponsive. The family was called in - I spent most of the day with them, and then...she got a little better. She actually went home yesterday late, was with the girls last night and came back to hospice today. What an amazing story - truly a miracle. I think miracles can come in lots of ways and sometimes they are not what we are looking for, but this time, a family saw the miracle of Christmas up close and personal.

I got home from work today and I heard the ice cream truck! That is a sound you would not hear on Christmas day in Indiana. It seemed strange to say the least. Experiencing Christmas in Florida for the first time has been....unique. Experiencing my birthday for the first time here has been a little sad. So I am very thankful for the phone calls to sing and the many, many wishes on Facebook. That has been fun to read the comments all day long.

So from Florida - Merry Christmas to all of you! May you know God's love this day and see the presence of the Divine all around you.

December 15

When you live in Florida, there is a whole new meaning to some of the Christmas songs. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and Frosty the Snowman and White Christmas don't make as much sense here. So it's December 15 and it does not look like Christmas.

Hospice work has been really busy. I worked this past weekend and we had 10 deaths in 2 days. Wow. That is alot of death. I met a family that were missionaries and felt very strongly that they did not need chaplains. They were kind and enjoyed conversation but no talk of spirituality. However, as their mother died, they let me in as I offered a blessing. They asked for a copy of the blessing to send to other family members. You just never know.

I met a patient last Thursday and we laughed and talked and connected. We were planning on watching something together on my laptop on Saturday. I went in Saturday to find that death was imminent. It has been difficult to work with her family as I had planned on working with her. Two daughters often want me by their side which I am happy to do. The spouse has been making baby steps to prepare. He was still hoping for a miracle. There may be a miracle but it is probably not going to be recovery of health. I hope he gets a miracle in some way though.

I did a memorial service today - actually I have been doing them regularly lately. Today, the friends and family told so many stories of their loved one that it was very endearing. The service was for someone that loved to play the piano and loved music. Today, at the hospice house, we had a volunteer that was playing the harp in our hearth room so as the guests for the service were gathering, we could hear the harp. Felt a bit like angels making music.

The CEO of our hospice sent a note today that included a quote from Elizabeth Edwards facebook page just before she died..."The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful." Amen sista!

I am ready for a 3 day weekend with some time to do some preparations for Christmas. I need to get presents in the mail - and just in case you are wondering if I am sending you one, well, I am sending to Trent and Rowan. Maybe next year.

I finally pulled out some Christmas music - maybe the music will help me feel more like it is Christmas. But I think of my grandma's (mom's mom) favorite song that was Little Drummer Boy. That made my mom not really like hearing that particular song. My own mom's favorite was Silent Night - you know I don't really like hearing that one. My favorite is usually O Holy Night but this year, it feels more like my favorite will be, I'll be home for Christmas. I may not actually be there, but in my dreams, I think I will be.