January 20, 2011

Greetings from Florida! This is a great time of the year to live in Florida if you don't like the cold and snow and ice. Our temperatures can be cool in the mornings but by afternoon, it is usually in the 60's. I'll take 60!

Hospice work has been busy. Lots of activity from deaths to admissions. Last week, we had 30 deaths in one week. It is hard on the staff to have people die in a room and then immediately have another patient come to that room. So the new plan is to open the windows while the housekeepers are cleaning, spray a little sage oil, and anoint the door. It may sound peculiar to you but I am convinced along with others that the energy needs to be moved after a death.

Today, I was able to sit with another one of my favorite patients. She was in the hospice house 3-4 weeks ago to get symptoms managed. She was so thankful to go back home and I was happy for her. I was surprised that she was back so soon for end-of-life care. She loves Christian music so I hooked up my IPOD to a portable speaker and took it to her room. She is unresponsive now but the belief is that hearing is the last thing to go and we believe that she could hear. So I played her favorite music and just sat with her for a bit. When I have patients that I have gotten close to, I actually want to be there when they take their last breath. It helps me.

Yesterday, another one of my favorite patients left to go home but I called her today to see how her first 24 hours went and she is already struggling. I expect to see her soon. She has been a beautiful woman and has taken care of everyone her whole life. So, she struggles to know her value. I wish that ministers would preach and teach that God is not a God that makes good and bad things happen. People that believe that have a really hard struggle when they die of an illness.

I am around death all of the time and just today I told a hospice worker that had just lost her grandmother that it still is hard when it is personal. A good, dear, friend of mine died on Monday. She was 87 years old and her smile could light up a room. I will miss that smile! Rest in Peace, dear Phyllis.

January 4, 2011

Happy New Year to all. I can't believe that there is another year behind us. Seemed like a year to two ago when I was testing systems for Y2K at Lincoln Financial Group in FW. But here we are, 2011.

Christmas time is a difficult time at hospice - nobody wants a loved one to die at Christmas. We had a 48 year old mom with two daughters, 11 and 9. The girls had one thing on their Christmas list - for mom to come home for the day. Everyone hoped for it. The doctor and nurses were doing all they could to "buy" her a few more days. On 12/23, things really changed. We all believed she would die. I was with the family all day, the social worker was called in, the child counselor was called in, family members were called in to say goodbye, the girls came. We waited. I watched a Christmas miracle as she bounced back enough to go home on Christmas eve for 18 hours. What gratitude for the gift of a day! She did come back and was with us until this morning. So, my miracle friend, rest in peace.

I often offer blessings at the end of life - one is for the living - to be in peace, to let go and know they are loved. Recently, I provided the blessing and 5 minutes later, he died. Yesterday, the patient died while I was giving the blessing. The doctor told me I rocked, some wanted me to give blessings to patients that were so close but wouldn't let go, and others were afraid to be around me! You have to have a sense of humor to work in hospice so I was glad to provide the humor for the staff. But it is quite a holy moment to be blessing someone as they take their last breath.

This time of year is a great time to be in Florida. They weather is beautiful and it is nice to not have the gray, cold days during the winter in IN. But I miss my friends, family, and chats at Starbucks with several of you. So have a tall, non-fat, extra hot, raspberry chai and think of me! I'll do the same!

Merry Christmas

I saw a good facebook status from a friend from Indiana - now "we" have a White Christmas - how about now we go for Peace on Earth! Today would be the only day that I miss the snow. My nephew and his mom and dad went sledding last night - sounded like fun. Although the older I get, the more I like to go down the hill and the less I like to go up.

I feel a bit like I witnessed a Chrismas miracle this week. There has been a 48 year old mom with two daughters, 9 and 11,who is dying of ovarian cancer. The girls' one item on their Christmas list was to have mom home on Christmas. On Thursday, she was so sick and mostly unresponsive. The family was called in - I spent most of the day with them, and then...she got a little better. She actually went home yesterday late, was with the girls last night and came back to hospice today. What an amazing story - truly a miracle. I think miracles can come in lots of ways and sometimes they are not what we are looking for, but this time, a family saw the miracle of Christmas up close and personal.

I got home from work today and I heard the ice cream truck! That is a sound you would not hear on Christmas day in Indiana. It seemed strange to say the least. Experiencing Christmas in Florida for the first time has been....unique. Experiencing my birthday for the first time here has been a little sad. So I am very thankful for the phone calls to sing and the many, many wishes on Facebook. That has been fun to read the comments all day long.

So from Florida - Merry Christmas to all of you! May you know God's love this day and see the presence of the Divine all around you.

December 15

When you live in Florida, there is a whole new meaning to some of the Christmas songs. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and Frosty the Snowman and White Christmas don't make as much sense here. So it's December 15 and it does not look like Christmas.

Hospice work has been really busy. I worked this past weekend and we had 10 deaths in 2 days. Wow. That is alot of death. I met a family that were missionaries and felt very strongly that they did not need chaplains. They were kind and enjoyed conversation but no talk of spirituality. However, as their mother died, they let me in as I offered a blessing. They asked for a copy of the blessing to send to other family members. You just never know.

I met a patient last Thursday and we laughed and talked and connected. We were planning on watching something together on my laptop on Saturday. I went in Saturday to find that death was imminent. It has been difficult to work with her family as I had planned on working with her. Two daughters often want me by their side which I am happy to do. The spouse has been making baby steps to prepare. He was still hoping for a miracle. There may be a miracle but it is probably not going to be recovery of health. I hope he gets a miracle in some way though.

I did a memorial service today - actually I have been doing them regularly lately. Today, the friends and family told so many stories of their loved one that it was very endearing. The service was for someone that loved to play the piano and loved music. Today, at the hospice house, we had a volunteer that was playing the harp in our hearth room so as the guests for the service were gathering, we could hear the harp. Felt a bit like angels making music.

The CEO of our hospice sent a note today that included a quote from Elizabeth Edwards facebook page just before she died..."The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful." Amen sista!

I am ready for a 3 day weekend with some time to do some preparations for Christmas. I need to get presents in the mail - and just in case you are wondering if I am sending you one, well, I am sending to Trent and Rowan. Maybe next year.

I finally pulled out some Christmas music - maybe the music will help me feel more like it is Christmas. But I think of my grandma's (mom's mom) favorite song that was Little Drummer Boy. That made my mom not really like hearing that particular song. My own mom's favorite was Silent Night - you know I don't really like hearing that one. My favorite is usually O Holy Night but this year, it feels more like my favorite will be, I'll be home for Christmas. I may not actually be there, but in my dreams, I think I will be.

December 6

My oh my, it's been quite a while since I posted something here. I still love the hospice world. This week seems to be the week for memorial services - many families of people that die at the hospice house really appreciate the space and the warmth of the surroundings. On some kind of level, it feels like home and families like to have services for their loved one on the grounds where they died. The first service I did here was for a 25 year old - that one will always be etched on my heart.

More recently, a woman came in that had just learned of her cancer spreading to all organs. As you can imagine she was on quite a ride through grief. She would take pictures all around the grounds of the plants as she wanted them planted in her own yard for her family when she was gone. She is such a dear - she left the hospice house late last week to go home. We are all hopeful that she can live her dream a little longer...to live fully every day. And I also know that very soon, I will see her again.

I say this just about every time but it becomes such a force that I cannot forget - live abundantly - life is short. I learn alot of things about patients and illness and grief and family dynamics and the end of life, but the one thing that I know for sure - all people die, some people live.

The holidays feel strange this year. It is hard to get in the Christmas spirit when the sun is shining and people are wearing shorts. The dinky apartment feels too small for decorations - and too hard to get to the boxes with the decorations so perhaps we will just look at the lights on the neighbor's tree. I am working on Christmas day which I have never done before. We were talking with my cousin who lives near Tampa about what to do to celebrate this year. We need a new tradition...so if anyone has a cool tradition that could be done in FL, let me know! But one thing I don't mind - no snow for Christmas. I think that works out well.

Enjoy the season of glad tidings. Enjoy the season of preparation and waiting...what are you preparing for?

November 14

I am reminded over and over why I love working in hospice. The absolute best part are the many people I meet from all walks of life. Today, I share a couple of stories of some of the patients and families I meet.

An elderly man came in last week as he was experiencing pain. He was also very confused and frustrated that he did not know where he was or how he got there. We talked for awhile and then he said, "I just don't know how I am going to earn my keep here. I used to be an electrician - do you think there is any electrical work that needs to be done?" I assured him that he could just rest while he was there but he was disappointed that he couldn't help out. He died just a day later.

A "young" woman, in her 60's, has been mostly unresponsive and has been declining. Her family was gathering, flying from all around the US to get there and yesterday, they were all there. "Mom" opened her eyes and talked with them for 20 minutes about how she was ready to let go and she was glad to see them all. She returned to her nonresponsive state of health and later died. But what a gift for the family as they all gathered to honor her.

Life is somewhat simple here in FL. I don't have meetings, or work I take home, or actually very many responsibilities. Work doesn't feel like work, I live in 990 sf apartment, I spend time encouraging the people I work with...as a chaplain, I get to accept people wherever they are, in whatever they believe, and just be with them as they review their life and get ready to say goodbye.

So life is good, but I truly miss friends and family. My 8 yr old nephew, Trent, won a basketball shootout yesterday - I wish I could have seen him in his winning.
I miss face-to-face conversations and some of my favorite watering holes and shopping experiences. But what's there not to like about the beautiful weather and magnificent sunsets in FL in November? love to all.

It has been awhile since my last post. I talk all day so by the time I get home, I do not have so many words. But certainly, much happens. A few hospice stories, recently I had a patient that was with us for a couple of weeks. She was such fun to talk with as she had a great sense of humor. Each time I would visit, she would want me to pray with her and so I would. One morning I went to her room and she had really declined so I just thought I would say a prayer. As I began, her eyes opened and she said, "Did I die?" She did die the next day but what a gift she was.

Another patient kept shaking hands with the dead. She was very imminent but was still really verbal. She told me that she could see the light and that she needed sunglasses. And she mentioned that the people on her right, she knew, and the people on her left - well, she did not know any of them! Her niece was there watching this with me and fortunately, the niece was very comfortable with what she called, her explanation of the afterlife. Of course, I do not know how that works any more than anyone else, but it is amazing to see these kinds of things over and over. You really cannot work in hospice without believing that there is something sacred at the end of our earthly life.

I got a couple of letters recently from a friend that I adore. He is trying to bring back the art of letter writing - I thought that was a good idea. The ease of the internet makes notes and blogs and facebook seem like the best way to communicate, but I think letter writing is a great old tradition. Perhaps I'll start writing letters. Well, perhaps I'll start to think that it would be a fun idea.

We do Thoughts for the Day each day at the hospice house for the staff. They cover a broad range of thoughts but today's was from my favorite Disney character, Winnie the Pooh.

"If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

A more scholarly version of that message might be from an Ancient Greek Philosopher,

"be kind, for everyone is fighting a difficult battle."

Either way, it is a message to remember.