Can anyone believe that it is soon to be July 1? I moved to Florida in July, 2010 so one year later, here I am. Sallyanna, this post is for you!
If you read here much, you know that I love what I do. Today, reminded me of why I love it so much. I spent time with a family early in the day. It was a family that I met when mom came to us 12 days ago. She had stopped dialysis and was ready to die. She was 80+ years old and was very tired of pain and prodding and chemo and dialysis and wanted to just let go of the fight. I can't imagine really what it is like to have to one day just say, no more. But she had done that with grace.
I remember when she came in that she had the sweetest smile and a gentle spirit. She claimed that she came to die. She wanted no fanfare. Her sons were with her - one from Indiana. They were faithful in being there each day, laughing and crying, telling stories and beginning to grieve the anticipated loss. I spent time with them on a few occasions. Today, was the day she was going to die. And she did. She waited until one son left to take another son to the airport to fly back to Indiana. Her oldest son was in the room, with 2 daughter-in-laws. She knew that her oldest son could be there with strength and she knew the other sons would fall apart. So with the right people in the room and the right people out of the room, her breathing slowed, she opened her eyes, she had tears come down her cheeks, and then she smiled so much you could see her teeth, and then she died.
The family that was present witnessed a beautiful scene that they will not forget - a scene that brought them great comfort. We opened the window and let her spirit soar. Amazing stuff.
The second thing that happened today was - I received some poetry from a woman that I had spent alot of time with while a loved one died. It was a situation that felt foreign to me. The woman was married to someone else, and she also loved and lived with this patient. 2 men, 1 woman. Not as three really, but a woman being shared by two men. Do I understand that? No. But I listened to her story and to the pain of her life living out this relationship and the difficulty in being a widow with a husband. (Think about that!) The poetry that she shared with me was beautiful and rich and contemplative and necessary and important and brought some healing to her. I was privileged that she shared it with me.
The beauty of being a chaplain is I get to listen to all faith traditions, I get to listen to atheists, and polygamists, and broken souls. I get to walk with amazing people and stories and help them find forgiveness and meaning for their life. I see pain and joy every day and it is sacred space and holy ground.
One of my favorite sayings - I've heard it credited to a few different people - I don't know who said it, it wasn't me. "Be kind, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." I think that is a good guide.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Memorial Day, 2011
Wow - it has been quite some time since my last post. Much has happened! I moved from the dinky apartment to a small house. It's a fun house that feels like a Florida house with a screened-in porch. No pool - although I am sure that would have been fun. There are still boxes in the garage and I am now speculating that the house needs to be a bit bigger.
Much happens here every day at the Hospice House. Time sort of stops here for families. Their routines stop or change. Time definitely stops here for patients. People come here for 3 reasons, pain management - a time to evaluate medications and see if there are better ways to management the pain; End-of-life care, and respite - where the caregivers really need a break from the normal routine-whatever that might be. We have 30 rooms, individual rooms. Our average stay is 3-4 days so the census is constantly changing. The hardest part for the introvert in me is to meet new people every day, all day long. The easiest part is to hear the wonderful stories of the loved ones that die here and how their lives have left legacies for their family and friends.
One thing that I often do here is to remind staff to think of the things they are grateful for - somewhat of an easy task when you work here. I hope that I never take for granted the simple things. So I share with you items from the latest list - family, friends, good health, our senses-touch, taste, hear, see, smell, ability to love, ability to remember, my home which is personal sanctuary and refuge, ability to walk independently on my own two feet, the ability to do things for myself without pain, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets and fresh air to breathe, hot showers, warm beds, cool evening breezes, books, choices, diversity, language and the ability to communicate with others...
I am grateful that I will be going to Fort Wayne in June-I love what I do here, and I also really miss my Fort Wayne life and some really long-time wonderful friends.
So if you are in the Fort Wayne area, Sunday, June 26, from 3 - 6 p.m., potluck at The Heritage of Fort Wayne, Club House, 8200 St. Joe Road. Come visit!
Much happens here every day at the Hospice House. Time sort of stops here for families. Their routines stop or change. Time definitely stops here for patients. People come here for 3 reasons, pain management - a time to evaluate medications and see if there are better ways to management the pain; End-of-life care, and respite - where the caregivers really need a break from the normal routine-whatever that might be. We have 30 rooms, individual rooms. Our average stay is 3-4 days so the census is constantly changing. The hardest part for the introvert in me is to meet new people every day, all day long. The easiest part is to hear the wonderful stories of the loved ones that die here and how their lives have left legacies for their family and friends.
One thing that I often do here is to remind staff to think of the things they are grateful for - somewhat of an easy task when you work here. I hope that I never take for granted the simple things. So I share with you items from the latest list - family, friends, good health, our senses-touch, taste, hear, see, smell, ability to love, ability to remember, my home which is personal sanctuary and refuge, ability to walk independently on my own two feet, the ability to do things for myself without pain, the beautiful sunrises and sunsets and fresh air to breathe, hot showers, warm beds, cool evening breezes, books, choices, diversity, language and the ability to communicate with others...
I am grateful that I will be going to Fort Wayne in June-I love what I do here, and I also really miss my Fort Wayne life and some really long-time wonderful friends.
So if you are in the Fort Wayne area, Sunday, June 26, from 3 - 6 p.m., potluck at The Heritage of Fort Wayne, Club House, 8200 St. Joe Road. Come visit!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
April 21
Greetings to all that read here.
Things are going well in Florida and I continue to love hospice work and feel fully blessed by it. I am missing Indiana at times - seems as though there is a flood of serious illness going on in the lives of friends and family. I hold Karen, Sue, Uncle Mel, Aunt Vera, my own Uncle Bobby and his family, Betz, her momma and many others in my thoughts and prayers.
I miss seeing dear friends at a shared meal. I miss "my" starbucks or as my friend Jon called it, "suebucks". I miss the Firefly chats and looking forward to the Bike the Drive in Chicago over Memorial Day. But, my new life is good!
I have talked alot with a patient that was a professor at Taylor University in the late 1950's! I have a patient now that is a Buddhist that is teaching me so much about the Eastern religions. Recently, a family told me that they were not spiritual - they believed in luck. And they explained how luck gave them comfort...until the luck ran out. And then, they told me a story of how they envision the patient going down a chute after death into the arms of loved ones. It seemed to me that wasn't about luck - but about something being bigger than they were. Call it what you want.
I always love being with patients that are non-responsive and something makes them respond. Today, and every day for the last 3, I have sat for 10 minutes or more with a non-responsive patient and said a Gaelic blessing to them. Deep peace of the running wave to you, deep peace of the flowing air to you, deep peace of the quiet earth to you, deep peace of the shining stars to you. Every time, her expression changes and she moves with the flow of the words. She hears. No doubt.
I am off of work for 3 days - yea! I love what I do and I love being off! And so I celebrate life and work and new beginnings and new thoughts and new friends and I will always be thankful for those that have touched my life and journey along with me. Happy Easter.
Things are going well in Florida and I continue to love hospice work and feel fully blessed by it. I am missing Indiana at times - seems as though there is a flood of serious illness going on in the lives of friends and family. I hold Karen, Sue, Uncle Mel, Aunt Vera, my own Uncle Bobby and his family, Betz, her momma and many others in my thoughts and prayers.
I miss seeing dear friends at a shared meal. I miss "my" starbucks or as my friend Jon called it, "suebucks". I miss the Firefly chats and looking forward to the Bike the Drive in Chicago over Memorial Day. But, my new life is good!
I have talked alot with a patient that was a professor at Taylor University in the late 1950's! I have a patient now that is a Buddhist that is teaching me so much about the Eastern religions. Recently, a family told me that they were not spiritual - they believed in luck. And they explained how luck gave them comfort...until the luck ran out. And then, they told me a story of how they envision the patient going down a chute after death into the arms of loved ones. It seemed to me that wasn't about luck - but about something being bigger than they were. Call it what you want.
I always love being with patients that are non-responsive and something makes them respond. Today, and every day for the last 3, I have sat for 10 minutes or more with a non-responsive patient and said a Gaelic blessing to them. Deep peace of the running wave to you, deep peace of the flowing air to you, deep peace of the quiet earth to you, deep peace of the shining stars to you. Every time, her expression changes and she moves with the flow of the words. She hears. No doubt.
I am off of work for 3 days - yea! I love what I do and I love being off! And so I celebrate life and work and new beginnings and new thoughts and new friends and I will always be thankful for those that have touched my life and journey along with me. Happy Easter.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
March 27
Greetings to all! It has been quite some time since I have written here. Let me catch you up a bit!
Hospice work still inspires me and is life-giving to me. I always have experiences that remind me of the fragility of life but yet the power and strength that are available.
I spent time recently with a momma that was watching her 45 year old son die. She had lost a son at the age of two from illness and her only other child was now in front of her taking his last breaths. He had been a drug addict most of his life and here was a momma that had stood beside him. Many of her friends and many in her family thought she was foolish to keep allowing him to be supported by her, financially and emotionally. I don't have kids and I don't know what that feels like but I do know that this woman was heart broken by the challenges that he had in his life. He fought demons all of his life after he was the one that found his little brother, age 2, dead.
She sobbed as he took his last breath. I know that for me, as the chaplain, I don't have to make any judgments on her actions, the actions of the ones who die, but I can just be there with them as they mourn their losses.
Yesterday I sat with a family who were actually afraid of what they were seeing. Their mother was crying out, saying "help me." She was not responsive in any way to stimulation...but yet she cried out. This is a woman who had told me she was ready to die and wanted to die...she had enough of the illness. So as she was transitioning to the next life, I wondered if she was crying out to someone she was seeing on the other side of this life and wanted help to take the final steps. Who knows but I believe that God was with her and that was the best help she was going to find.
My brother Terry, his wife Beth, and my nephew Trent visited during spring break. How fun to have them here in Florida. Many fun things - beach, shopping, Museum of Science and Industry (although not near as nice as Chicago's!) Disney, basketball, ice cream, cooking out on the grill, 80+ degree weather, sun every day, sitting outside at restaurants, and watching a 9 year old have fun. All of that was...priceless.
So life continues to be good - what is not to like? great weather, love my work, and having visitors from Indiana. It is all good. Blessings to you all that read. :)
Hospice work still inspires me and is life-giving to me. I always have experiences that remind me of the fragility of life but yet the power and strength that are available.
I spent time recently with a momma that was watching her 45 year old son die. She had lost a son at the age of two from illness and her only other child was now in front of her taking his last breaths. He had been a drug addict most of his life and here was a momma that had stood beside him. Many of her friends and many in her family thought she was foolish to keep allowing him to be supported by her, financially and emotionally. I don't have kids and I don't know what that feels like but I do know that this woman was heart broken by the challenges that he had in his life. He fought demons all of his life after he was the one that found his little brother, age 2, dead.
She sobbed as he took his last breath. I know that for me, as the chaplain, I don't have to make any judgments on her actions, the actions of the ones who die, but I can just be there with them as they mourn their losses.
Yesterday I sat with a family who were actually afraid of what they were seeing. Their mother was crying out, saying "help me." She was not responsive in any way to stimulation...but yet she cried out. This is a woman who had told me she was ready to die and wanted to die...she had enough of the illness. So as she was transitioning to the next life, I wondered if she was crying out to someone she was seeing on the other side of this life and wanted help to take the final steps. Who knows but I believe that God was with her and that was the best help she was going to find.
My brother Terry, his wife Beth, and my nephew Trent visited during spring break. How fun to have them here in Florida. Many fun things - beach, shopping, Museum of Science and Industry (although not near as nice as Chicago's!) Disney, basketball, ice cream, cooking out on the grill, 80+ degree weather, sun every day, sitting outside at restaurants, and watching a 9 year old have fun. All of that was...priceless.
So life continues to be good - what is not to like? great weather, love my work, and having visitors from Indiana. It is all good. Blessings to you all that read. :)
Friday, March 4, 2011
Greetings to all. I know that all that read this know how important hospice work is to me. I know I'm in Florida and you are all around the country! But if by chance you feel inspired to support the work that we do here, please check out the fundraising page by copying and pasting the link.
http://www.thehospicefoundation.org//sueross
http://www.thehospicefoundation.org//sueross
Monday, February 28, 2011
February 28
Greetings dear ones. My oh my, how time flies. Life is good in Florida...the weather has been beautiful.
A patient of mine reminded me the other day that as he prepares to die, he notices the beauty of everything. So don't wait, notice the little things now. I learn many lessons from those that are living their last days.
I took a class recently, taught by a hospice volunteer, about aromatherapy. We use that alot for patients as there are many proven positive characteristics of the essential oils. Some to relax, some for pain relief, some that simply trigger wonderful memories. I wish I were more of an expert but I am learning. I would never have guessed that essential oils were used in hospices. I also am impressed with the massage therapists that have hands that are gifts to others. Bodies that are just about to give out can feel relief from tension and pain with simple touch.
Last week I was with a patient that was a Buddhist. He was so delightful and we had a wonderful conversation. We found out that we both enjoy writings from Thomas Merton so he wanted to give me all of his 20 books by Merton. It was a wonderful gesture although I cannot take the gift. So he will donate the books to a Chaplain Library and I will take his favorite book as a special gift. Before we were done talking, he asked me if I would join him in a Buddhist prayer. I was relieved when he told me what to do, and he sang the beautiful prayer.
I love being an interfaith chaplain - although I don't always know what that really means. I have learned about Jewish and Islam traditions, I have shared with a Buddhist, a Wiccan, an atheist, many spiritualists, scientologists, and of course, across many, many denominations in the Christian traditions. The amazing lesson is that no matter what faith you have or don't have, at the end of life, you just want someone to show you that they care. My goal is to be able to do that during life as well.
Peace to all...
A patient of mine reminded me the other day that as he prepares to die, he notices the beauty of everything. So don't wait, notice the little things now. I learn many lessons from those that are living their last days.
I took a class recently, taught by a hospice volunteer, about aromatherapy. We use that alot for patients as there are many proven positive characteristics of the essential oils. Some to relax, some for pain relief, some that simply trigger wonderful memories. I wish I were more of an expert but I am learning. I would never have guessed that essential oils were used in hospices. I also am impressed with the massage therapists that have hands that are gifts to others. Bodies that are just about to give out can feel relief from tension and pain with simple touch.
Last week I was with a patient that was a Buddhist. He was so delightful and we had a wonderful conversation. We found out that we both enjoy writings from Thomas Merton so he wanted to give me all of his 20 books by Merton. It was a wonderful gesture although I cannot take the gift. So he will donate the books to a Chaplain Library and I will take his favorite book as a special gift. Before we were done talking, he asked me if I would join him in a Buddhist prayer. I was relieved when he told me what to do, and he sang the beautiful prayer.
I love being an interfaith chaplain - although I don't always know what that really means. I have learned about Jewish and Islam traditions, I have shared with a Buddhist, a Wiccan, an atheist, many spiritualists, scientologists, and of course, across many, many denominations in the Christian traditions. The amazing lesson is that no matter what faith you have or don't have, at the end of life, you just want someone to show you that they care. My goal is to be able to do that during life as well.
Peace to all...
Sunday, February 13, 2011
8) Somewhere Out There -- An American Tail Soundtrack
When I was very young, my dad would give my mom a big heart filled with chocolates and I would get a smaller one. I would offer my brothers some of my candy, but then I'd go and fill my heart box with chocolates from my mom's candy. It was a great lesson to encourage me to share, but then I also learned that there's always a supply of chocolate!
As with everything Americans do, we have made Valentine's Day into a $15 billion Hallmark holiday. Really?
We can show love in all kinds of ways and in simple ways. Sorry, I can't buy you all chocolates and flowers but I do believe in the spirit of the day. Love. So these are the ways I celebrate Valentine's Day in 2011 - Sent some cards, bought a fun pair of Valentine designed socks for a patient that loves socks, chocolate kisses for staff and families, and to gaze at the stars and be thankful for loved ones around the country.
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